If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
