Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Randomize
