Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
