You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
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