I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
