I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
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