who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
