I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
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