Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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