Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
