Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
