Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Randomize
