I could have mohawked her pubes.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
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