A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
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