I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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