It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
