How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Randomize
