Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
she looked like the before picture.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
