my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
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