I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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