Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
