After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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