Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
