i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
