I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
