i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
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