wat bout pragnant strippers??
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Randomize
