i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
