if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
