So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Randomize
