My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
