you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
