I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
