Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
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