I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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