She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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