yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
