I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
