shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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