Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
The adults are the big ones right?
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Randomize
