On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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