You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
