Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
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