Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Randomize
