I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
