In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
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