I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
