Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
