my vag is so smooth its legendary
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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