This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Green mimosas i think yes
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
