home. puking in laundry basket.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
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